


pretty girl , pretty boy , pretty human.

by demispencie



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bittersweet, Bittersweet Ending, Comfort/Angst, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Hurt Spencer Reid, I'm Bad At Tagging, Light Angst, Nonbinary Character, OC based on a irl of mine, OC is gay, Oblivious Derek, Sad Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, i wrote this based on my own experience please don't get upset, this is not a ship fic, this should've been canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:42:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28064904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demispencie/pseuds/demispencie
Summary: spencer doesn't like being called "pretty boy".or , spencer begins to realize something that they should've figured out a long time ago.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 77





	pretty girl , pretty boy , pretty human.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this based on my own experience with figuring out myself , and i did a bit of research to make this as accurate as possible. anyways , i hope you enjoy !
> 
> p.s. the original character i have in this story is based on a person i know , and i stuck to a vague idea of what they're like , so if you find it hard to relate or confusing , i apologize ! i tried to clarify as much as i could , so hopefully this makes sense. also - this is NOT a romance story.

_pretty boy !  
_

spencer despised the pet name . he adored morgan , but every time the charming man said "pretty boy" , it felt like something had died inside of him. spencer worked up his dislike of pet names to the trauma he was dealt as a kid , but deep down , spencer knew that wasn't really the case.

soon , spencer began to flinch each time morgan said "pretty boy". no one picked up on it - they all assumed it was just spencer being jumpy as usual . _profilers ? yeah right. can't even tell when someone from their own fuckin' family is uncomfortable._ spencer thought to himself. it wasn't till the new profiler came that things started to change.

their name was amanda. she was like emily - her background opened doors for her , but she was a hard worker and they lived by the ideal that their hard work was the thing that kept those doors open , rather than their privilege.

_" guys , this is our newest member, amanda. " hotch said , gesturing to her. the team cocked their heads , prepared to introduce themselves once amanda did._

_amanda blushed , giving a small wave. "hi... um , i'm amanda ? i used to work for my mom , but now i'm here i guess , " amanda explained, her face bright red. " i have an eidetic memory , an IQ of 180 , and i also prefer she / they pronouns , if that's alright . " amanda finished softy , staring at the ground. hotch gave her a reassuring look , leaving them with the team to get acquainted. amanda played with with her fingers for a few silent moments , unsure of what to say until morgan finally spoke up._

_"well i'm glad we have someone just as smart as pretty boy , here. " morgan said laughing , gesturing to spencer. amanda noticed spencer's flinch at the name , but before they could say anything , morgan shook her hand , introducing himself and the rest of the team._

_"i'm morgan , the pretty blonde lady here is jj , that's emily , and-" morgan spoke , penelope cutting him off._

_" i thought i was the pretty blonde one ! " she exclaimed , hitting the man softly in the side , causing him to let out a groan._

_" there can be more than one pretty blonde girl here , penelope. " spencer said softly . "i'm spencer." he said , waving lightly._

_amanda laughed , giving a small wave back and smiling at the group . "well it's nice to meet you all." amanda said , relaxing a bit . the group all nodded , smiling at their newest member. morgan started laughing again , amused by his own thoughts.  
_

_" care to share with the class ? " amanda said . the rest of the group laughed , and morgan nodded._

_" well , since you're like pretty boy over here , is it alright if i call you pretty girl ? " morgan said lightly . he had a joking tone , but he wanted to make sure they were comfortable. "if it's not alright , i'm sure me and penelope can come up with a more creative nickname than that . " he said , smiling at her._ _amanda blushed and nodded._

_" i'm okay with that , " they said reassuringly . " if you can come up with something cool , i wouldn't mind that either . " amanda said , winking. the rest of the group laughed with ease , loving their new friend immediately. they chatted for a few more minutes , making light conversation until hotch announced to the team to get back to work ._ _as the group began to disperse , amanda called out to spencer , gesturing for him to come closer. spencer obeyed , walking to her._

_" are you alright ? " amanda said softly , trying to make sure no one heard the pair. " i know i'm new , and i probably don't have a right to say anything to you , but i just wanted to make sure because i saw you flinch when morgan talked. " they said , looking at him , trying to understand his expressions. spencer looked at her with sad eyes , not ready to admit anything to himself._

_" i'm alright , just don't like the name 'pretty boy' is all. " spencer said , avoiding eye contact . amanda knew better , but she decided to give him his own space and nodded._

_"well if you need to talk , i'm here." amanda said , smiling at him. spencer gave a small smile back , nodding , and walking back to his desk._

_amanda noticed. she's new and they noticed ! how could she notice , but not everyone else ? spencer had thought to himself. spencer wanted to scream and cry , but he knew better than to say anything . he was terrified of change._

the group picked up amanda's pronouns quickly , using them as much as possible to get used to the slight change . amanda smiled each time , but the smile quickly faded each time she saw spencer flinch or frown. time passed , and eventually things got back to a sort of normalcy. the team got along with amanda great , and amanda did her best to make sure spencer was okay until he was ready to talk. whether it was asking hotch to be paired with him for cases , or staying with him most rather than the others so he wouldn't have to deal with all the nicknames , they tried to make spencer feel comfortable , and it seemed to have helped.

but finally when amanda's birthday came around , everything fell apart.

_spencer hated parties. absolutely despised them. he didn't like drinking alcohol , so he couldn't play any of the many drinking games , and his conversation skills ... well they weren't great. this party was okay though , much to his surprise. after everyone ate and granted amanda a happy birthday , they all began to focus on some intense drinking game that penelope and morgan came up with. amanda as always , stayed in the corner with spencer._

_they played chess quietly while amanda waited for spencer to speak . he'd been quiet for most of the day , only speaking to tell her happy birthday and to give his gift. he'd gotten her some craft making supplies - he learned through their many talks that she loved creating things when she wasn't hanging out with the team . they'd thanked him , and just spent the rest of their time in silence ; it wasn't an awkward silence , rather a comfortable one that spencer enjoyed compared to the dull silence between him and his other friends. as the game came to a close , spencer had gotten comfortable , and opened his mouth to ask amanda the question he'd been wanting to ask since they met . but the comfort he'd gained quickly went away once he heard the words out of morgan's mouth._

_"hey , pretty girl , pretty boy . enjoying the party ? " morgan said , smiling. amanda nodded and began to reply , but was interrupted by spencer's rush to get out of his seat. he ran to the bathroom , covering his mouth , and morgan frowned. amanda sighed , realizing morgan's mistake.  
_

_"shit , is he alright ?" morgan said , looking in the direction of the bathroom with concern. amanda just looked at him with sad eyes , nodding ._

_" i'll go talk to him. just... maybe don't call him pretty boy anymore , alright ? " amanda said softly , pushing back her chair and walking to the bathroom._

spencer sat in the bathroom , leaning over the sink. he felt absolutely sick, and was about to let himself go when a knock hit the door.

"spence , can i come in ?" amanda said quietly, not wanting to draw attention to the ordeal. spencer let out a barely audible "yes" and she came in , locking the door behind them. before she could apologize for morgan , spencer dropped to the floor , tears beginning to come in waves down his face. amanda's heart broke , and they dropped to the floor next to him , holding him as he cried. they stayed there for a moment , holding each other tightly as spencer let out all the sadness and frustration he'd been holding onto for so long. amanda could hear their friends outside, their game getting quieter and less intense , which she could only think was because they saw what'd happened , and wanted to give their friend some peace to think.

after a few moments , spencer's sobs went silent , and he stared up at his friend , feeling guilty about his actions. before he could speak , amanda held up her hand , and began to speak herself.

"spencer , morgan cares about you more than anything . i'm sorry he said what he said , i've made sure he won't say it again , " amanda said , wiping the tears from spencer's face with their sleeve. "i won't make you tell me what's wrong , but i have an idea , and if it's what i'm thinking , morgan is still going to care about you just as much as he did before , and he'll respect you ." amanda said , searching his eyes with her own. spencer exhaled shakily and held her closer , finally ready to tell amanda what he was feeling.

"i hate being called 'pretty boy' ," spencer started quietly , hands trembling as they gripped onto amanda. "i hate the nicknames morgan gives me. i love him , but i can't tell him because i don't want things to change , i don't want him to see me differently , i'm scared of seeing myself differently. " spencer said , voice shaking as they stared into amanda's eyes. she nodded at spencer, stroking their hands soothingly as they waited for spencer.

"amanda , i think i'm nonbinary ." spencer said , voice almost inaudible. spencer began to tremble , fearing amanda's reaction , expecting them to pull away or laugh , but instead , she wrapped her arms around spencer , kissing their forehead lightly. spencer exhaled in relief , wiping the tears from their eyes and burying their face in amanda's chest.

"i support and love you just the same , spencer." amanda said quietly into their hair , hugging them tighter. they felt spencer nod , and they stayed there for a moment , trying to collect themselves before speaking again. as the two finally calmed down , spencer pulled their face out from her chest and looked into her eyes . amanda laughed softly and ruffled their hair , stroking it almost pet like , and spencer laughed.

"i guess i'm not a pretty boy , " spencer said , smiling softly. amanda cocked their head in confusion waiting further explanation. the motion made spencer giggle , and they smiled. "i'm a pretty human." spencer said. spencer laughed at the words , realizing how weird it might sound , but spencer felt happy finally , and that was all that was important to them. amanda laughed at the joke , and they both smiled at each other , happy to finally have figured things out.

" yes you are , spencer, you really are."

**Author's Note:**

> my heart feels all warm now ???? anyways , i hope you guys enjoyed this ! i've always thought of spencer as someone who would be non-binary , and it was nice to explore that possibility in this fic. if spencer was non-binary , i believe that he'd start off with being comfortable with he / they pronouns , then become more comfortable with they / them . i tried to make this as accurate as possible , and started incorporating 'they' as one of spence's pronouns until he finally comes out to her , since from what i've seen is how most writers properly explain it. if there's any inaccuracies you'd like me to change , let me know ! feedback and critisism is welcomed. 
> 
> \- @reidsjcreau on instagram <3


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